Moms Who Blog

A post from Mom-101 has been circulated around my PR firm in the last few days along with the overwhelming dislike for the term "mommy blogger." Two weeks ago, following a NY Times article on bloggers, a brilliant colleague (as did Mom-101) shared her opinion on our agency's digital blog . All of this attention devoted to the work of blogging by women/moms has really made me think about why I started this blog.

I'm not writing to get free products or make tons of money. I have a successful career in public relations and have enough to worry about with raising my son and maintaining my professional life (and trying to have a personal life). This blog is supposed to be an outlet for me to write and share my thoughts on a wide variety of topics related to my life as a working mother. I'm also a single mother and while I don't think this defines me, it is important to my point of view on topics of parenting and full-time work. I also wanted to write this blog to appeal to women/parents in Dallas. I know there are moms like me all across the country, but I want to bring a local perspective to what I talk about even if I don't do it in every post.

Am I on the right track? I have no idea. Maybe I need the Bloggy Boot Camp mentioned in the articles/blogs. Maybe I just need to talk to the brilliant people in my agency!

Family Activities on a Budget

I know it's challenging to find activities that are fun, engaging and eductional for families not to mention inexpensive. Metroplex Baby & Kids posted a Guide to DFW on a Budget. I can't wait to check out some of these especially as it warms up!

The Great Outdoors

My son and I enjoyed a beautiful, warm, sunny day in Dallas yesterday, one of the first since we moved into our house last September. The wooden playhouse in the backyard has been used less than a handful times because of the cold, snow or rain. We enjoyed a snack outside, walked through the grass and splashed around with a water toy.

As I drove to work this morning, I was thinking about new things that we could do outside as it continues to warm up. I chuckled when I saw Amy Twomey's post on Dallas Moms blog about the book, Last Child in the Woods: Saving Our Children from Nature-Deficit Disorder. I bought the book last year after hearing someone reference it at a luncheon. I haven't gotten all the way through the book, but intend to finish it soon. It prompted me to buy a book called I Love Dirt!: 52 Activities to Help You and Your Kids Discover the Wonders of Nature. I told my sister about it and she made fun of me for having to read a book to come up with things to do outside.

I don't think that's odd, especially since my son has barely played outside for 4 months (and we don't even live in a northern state). I don't live on acres of land where kids can find something to do just by going out and roaming around. Plus, with a 2-year-old, you have to be a little structured with planning activities. I know the video game years are soon to come so I'm committed to finding fun and interesting activities at our local parks, nature preserves and even in our backyard to get my son hooked on being outside.

Potty Time

I have to admit that I'm pretty content with my son being in diapers. But, when I noticed that his teacher kept writing in my son's communication notebook that was using the potty (instead of having diaper changes), I panicked a little bit. He hadn't used the potty once at home. When he asked to sit on the potty, I put him up there and he did nothing, but unroll toilet paper. I truly have no idea about potty training.

I scheduled a mini-conference with the teacher to figure out what I was supposed to be doing. She told me all the toddlers were using the potty, but they weren't able to recognize the feeling of having to go yet. They were just being placed on the potty after snack, lunch or nap. I told her that I did that, but nothing came out. She suggested that I buy a small potty chair instead of using the big toilet. She also noted that he didn't need pull-ups (I hadn't bought any, but got nervous that I was supposed to) and that I should just continue to let my son sit on the potty when he asked or after meals, nap, etc.

After researching potty chairs, I settled on one and got it set up in the bathroom. I showed my son and he immediately pulled down his pants, took off his diaper and sat on the potty. Within seconds, he was peeing in it. I could not believe. Was it that easy?

No. He hasn't done it since. He strips down, but nothing comes out. I am still excited to report to his teacher the success. Even if I don't get any more successes for a while, I'm okay with that. I'm also okay with diapers for the rest of the year. Especially because I know the next phase of advice is asking about how to nighttime accidents or bedwetting. I am definitely not ready for that.

Time for Collaborative Brain Power

This week, I again watched the new show, Parenthood, on NBC that premiered last Tuesday. I was a huge fan of the movie with Steve Martin years ago so wanted the check out the series. After two weeks, I can say that I enjoy it enough to record the series on my DVR.

One of the interesting aspects of the show to me is the diagnosis of one of the children with Asperger's Syndrome. The son of my good friend was recently given this diagnosis. I just finished Jodi Piccoult's new book, House Rules, in which an 18-year-old with Asperger's is accused of a crime. It seems Asperger's is gaining widespread attention, at least in the world around me. Or maybe I'm just slightly more in tune with this attention...and a little envious.

My 7-year-old niece was born without her corpus callosum. The corpos callosum is the hemisphere that connects the left and right halves of the brain. Have you ever heard of disorders of the corpus callosum? Most people probably haven't. The diagnosis only comes through an MRI where doctors can see the corpus callosum missing (partially grown or thin). Individuals with a disorder of the corpus callosum have autism-like characteristics including developmental, behavioral and social challenges. And, many of these people receive an autism diagnosis such as Asperger's before it becomes known (through an MRI) that there is a physical reason for the symptioms.

I am definitely intrigued by the coverage of Asperger's lately and think it is important to bring to light. As the president of the Board of Directors for the NODCC, the national nonprofit working to support disorders of the corpus collosum, I hope we can begin to shed light on callosal disorders in the same way. It's valuable to share and educate on how these individuals are not neuro-typical, but have so much to offer the world and are overcoming challenges every day. This education will also help the diagnosis rate so families aren't tossed around in limbo for years thinking their child has another syndrome.

More importantly, if the the characteristics of callosal disorders and Asperger's are the similar, how can leaders in these communities learn from each other? I hope we can start collaborating and learning how to help cope with the challenges so everyone benefits.

My Work Life Balance

It's pretty popular these days to have one mobile device for emails, calendar, phone calls, etc. I am officially opposed to this.

Quite often people ask me why I carry two phones. My reply, as I hold one phone in each hand, is typically, "It's my work life balance." The truth is I didn't plan it, but one summer when I took a vacation and all I did was read my work emails that I wasn't supposed to be viewing, I knew I needed to make a change. My mobile phone is always with me and I receive personal and work phone calls on it. My Blackberry houses all my work email and I can put it down on weekends and nights when I need to be focusing on family or other activities. Or I can check it as often as I need to when traveling or waiting on important messages.

When I'm taking personal time, I always have my cell phone and can take any calls as necessary, but I don't have to stare at the work emails that I'm supposed to be taking a break from to recharge. So, maybe I have to endure all the condescending comments about having two phones, but I think I'm pretty smart to avoid consolidating.

Finding the Bright Spots

In the February issue of Fast Company, there is excerpt from a new book titled, Switch: How to Change Things When Change is Hard. I found the article interesting and it made me really think about my approach to the people I manage as well as my loved ones (and I just ordered the book to read more). The theme from the excerpt is that we need to focus on the successes (the bright spots) to lead us to solutions and improvements. The authors use a great example from Jerry Sternin of Save the Children who found glimmers of positive admist the malnutrition in Vietnam to help women nourish their children.

How many times do we focus on the negative and try to rationally solve problems? Try every day. Instead of focusing on what my team can't do, I need to be proud of what they can do and determine how I can develop their skills. And before getting frustrated that my son has made a mess in the kitchen, living room or bathroom, I need to stop and celebrate what he accomplished and how he is trying to do things all by himself. Little things. Bright spots.

Yesterday, an article was posted on the home page of Yahoo by Nancy Shute of US News & World Report about a new book called "Raising Happiness." The sociologist author of the book, Christine Carter, recommends parents ask themselves two questions to help make family life better: 1) When are you happiest with your kids and 2) What part of the normal day with your family routinely causes suffering? The author suggests to "make sure your day is structured so that you get routine, habitual happiness and so that you're eliminating habitual pain."

It was easy to identify my happy time: when my son and I are just playing and relaxing together at home or elsewhere. I love being silly with him, chasing him around the house and just savoring special play time. Dinnertime followed by getting my son to bed seems to be when the contention and "suffering" happens. Getting my 2-year-old to sit down and eat without all the game playing is proving challenging. And, settling down for bed has been difficult although it's recently become a bit easier to wind down. What's tough for us is that when we get home after work/preschool, it's dinnertime and bedtime isn't far off. I hate to think that the little time I have with my son in the evenings is the most stressful. That's supposed to be my treasured time with him. And, it's probably not as stressful for him as I'm making it on myself.

I'm going to find a way to make the evenings more enjoyable and work on being "in the moment" instead of worrying about the struggle that might (or might not) come when the clock strikes bedtime. A smooth transition and better countdown to bedtime will help. Now how can I get this kid to sit and focus on eating?

That Mommy Feeling

Just before the birth of my son in 2008, my sister told me that my father was worried because I didn't know anything about babies. He said I was going to need a lot of help. I couldn't believe he would say that about me.

The truth was, he was right. I had no experience with babies. I babysat when I was younger, but never kids in diapers. Everything I knew was from pregnancy books and the massive stacks of parenting magazines I kept buying.

Amazingly, as I'm sure many moms understand, after my son was born, something just took over inside of me. I like to think of it as my "momtuition." Yes, some of it I learned from the materials I was reading, but all of a sudden I had this sixth sense about what I was supposed to do to care for this child.

I couldn't have been prouder when my mom praised me during my son's first year of life for having "good instincts." She said it a number of times and it usually involved my actions when I thought my son was sick, but it meant the world to me.

I've never been responsible for another person's life and it's scary to think about not making the right decision. I shudder to think about the parents who intentionally harm and neglect their children. They have to be missing the feeling -- a truly remarkable feeling that I rely on every day.

I wonder how this feeling evolves as children grow up, out of diapers and into more complicated scenarios. Guess I will find out.